Stronger Than I Seem

Believe it or not, I did not always believe this. I didn’t feel it. I said it- often, even-, but it wasn’t something I felt in my body until recently.

Me, in the spring of 2025. Middle of grief with more to come, not knowing what was around the corner.

From a middle school kid who always felt like the "odd one out", I've come a long way. I was always too ______ or _______ to fit in with other crowds at school. Fill in the blank on your own as I am sure all of us felt this way about something at one point or another. And, luckily, I was able to find another person who felt the same way. Another picture for the books- this is my beautiful friend, Angel.

Angel and I, circa 2011. We don't look like this anymore. :)

Together, we formed our own crew. We weren't perfect- still aren't- but once we found each other (and maybe navigated some ups and downs along the way), we were stuck like glue. Some people even called us sisters because we looked alike and acted similarly. You know how it is. This is the person that carried me through some of my hardest years growing up. I have told her this before and I'll tell her again, she is one of the greatest loves I'll ever have.

But we grew up, as people do, and our interests varied even if our hearts are still connected through friendship. While we can still talk like we just saw each other a few hours ago and we can share something in a way the other just "gets", life also asked us to walk separately.

And, in this time, I found yoga and mindfulness. I was reminded what my body could do instead of focusing on what it can't. I was never "too" anything. I arrived as I was and I moved forward from there. I felt like I was finally finding myself for the first time if not again in a long time.

Then, grief happened. Lots of it. There are a few years in a row that I am glad to have behind me. I lost my kids, moved back home (by choice), lost my dad, and then, ultimately divorce. All within a few years. There were days I wanted to crumple on the floor and never leave. Days I never thought I would leave my house let alone go out with other people.

But my practice was there through it all. The practice of showing up for myself on the mat. The practice of mindfulness in becoming aware of my thoughts and actions and patterns therein. How they intertwined and diverted from each other. Am I perfect? Nope! Am I still moving forward? You bet your...mat. ;)

And now, with the years behind me, I can now say confidently "I'm stronger than I seem". Stronger in my body (specifically noticing a toned difference in my muscles), and stronger in my mind. I still make mistakes. I still get caught in negative talk or spirals, but I've gotten better at pulling myself out of them and changing direction. I'm better at listening. It was disconnected there for awhile. I've learned that disconnection can be part of what happens when we've been carrying significant stress for a long time.

Maybe that's what strength really looks like.

Not having everything figured out.

Not never falling apart.

Not becoming someone who never struggles.

Strength is knowing you can show up exactly as you are—and trust you can take the next step from there.

If this lands with you, I invite you to start or restart your practice.

Come as you are. No prerequisite required.

We'll figure it out together.

This is your Safe Harbor.

And you're always welcome here.